Get off the horse-trainer’s back!

Edition of “The Ethicist” column (New York Times; check out the column if you haven’t already — it’s quite engaging) that has had my attention recently:

A comfortably-off middle-class woman is in a “solid citizen” mode of high dudgeon because (she assumes) her mother-in-law has not saved for retirement and is going to be a financial burden on her and her husband. “My mother-in-law hasn’t saved for retirement. Are we on the hook?

Even just the comments section by itself is well worth the read. Some of my comments made it into the mix. And I’m relieved to say I was not the only one who pointed out that not only is there more to life than saving for retirement, but they are also other forms of wealth that she can deploy in retirement to start a new type of occupation that would be less demanding on her body than horse training.

Also, I’m glad that several of us pointed out that working at a labor job that doesn’t offer cushy benefits, and/or working at a job that is one’s passion instead of just any old office job, is not some kind of selfish indulgence. All types of work are needed in this world.

Among the commenters who pounced with middle-class HOA-401(k) outrage on this “irresponsible” woman, many seemed frankly just bitter. Like, I’ve saved and sacrificed blah blah blah and I didn’t get to do what I wanted blah blah blah, so why should somebody else? There’s this big assumption that she’s going to be a financial burden.

Question that. Question it always.

And if you are one of the people who (like me) have taken a not-very-financially-secure path, don’t assume that you will be a burden on others, and don’t buy into the demoralizing judgments of others.

There are ways to take responsibility, including financial responsibility, even if one does not have much money. I have written extensively about these things in my book and on this blog, and spoken about them in my talks and videos, and will continue to do so.

As just one example, she could teach riding to rich kids. Or start a horse themed café. It was even pointed out that this mother-in-law might even be a very worthy entity for her son and daughter-in-law to invest in, as in a business.

And I pointed out that she might be great at caring for grandkids, and might have some great stories, and might be kind of person they would want to have living under their roof.

By the way, for people who retired from their bland cushy office job that was not their passion, and worked and toiled away all their prime of life, it’s not too late in your retirement to do something worthwhile such as start the bookstore or café you were afraid to start, make the art and music you wouldn’t devote time to because you thought it was financially unstable.

PS. I’m not saying that an office job can’t be someone’s passion. It’s possible to have both.

But our society places way too high a premium on money money money. And so called “security.” (I actually think it’s not that secure to stockpile a bunch of money. It just becomes something that can get sucked away by a medical bill or other large beast of the centralized industrial complex.)

Self-expression and living one’s purpose is not an indulgence. I would say it’s more of what the planet needs.