Humorous Permaculture Response to Email from a Chemical-lawn Company

O irony of ironies, my email address seems to have been discovered by a chemical-lawn company. And they have spammed me multiple times now!*

“Make your neighbors jealous of your green lawn!” scream the ads.

I have a MUCH better plan …

It’s called the “Make your neighbors jealous of your fruit trees, native wildflowers, front-door salad bar, outdoor homeschool classroom, hardcore organic fitness gym, instant community-building space, stormwater sponge, droughtproofing buffer, heat mitigation sphere, certified wildlife habitat, family entertainment zone, instant Zombie Apocalypse watch party, mental-wellness bootcamp spa, and old-age security” plan.

Whaddya think?

PS. The “jealousy” phase would last only like 3 nanoseconds, because after that, our neighbors would be signing up for the same plan!!

P.P.S. My longterm vision is that, as the popular aesthetic is starting to shift toward a kinder, softer yard, at least some of the “mow & blow bro’s” may retool themselves as regenerative landscapers. A landscaping version of “beating our swords into plowshares, and learning war no more.”


#BigBangForYourBuck #GrowSomethingUseful #GrascistSpamBlitzMystery #TransformativeLandscapingSquad #PagingNurseLogWantedInSurgery

*Getting spammed by a “mow, blow, spray, and go” outfit gives me a slight taste of how it might feel, for example, to my lesbian friends (and others whose sex life does not involve penises) when they get ads for V:@gr@.