Blistering Desert, and Forest Refuge

Day after day, blistering heat, no rain in sight. Watering the plants I’ve scrounged at curbside (or the plants that kind friends have brought me) involves hauling 20 to 40 gallons of well water to various corners of the yard, watering can by watering can full. I’m about done in. If you’re curious what I look like in my own mind right now, picture the “American Gothic” woman but a bit squidgy around the middle, and with no pitchfork-wielding husband standing by her side. #Fried #Hardscrabble

At this point I’ve just gotta say, All right, plants, I’ve done my best with you. If it’s not your time it’s not your time. Other plants will grow, other shrubs will be left at curbside for me to scrounge. I might still do the water-hauling thing, at least it’ll burn a few calories, be good for my core. #MidlifeMoment

I just spent the day doing errands along one of our main thoroughfares, watching landscapers weed-whack the expensive turfgrass under the expensive palm trees (that replaced the old oak trees that had been growing there). The fumes and noise were overwhelming as I bicycled past.

The expensive palm trees are held up by braces. What a costly, high-maintenance operation. Why do we humans do this? Why do we cut down old trees and understory that were self-maintaining, and replace it with resource-consuming high-maintenance stuff? It’s not even particularly pretty; it’s very sterile-looking like the landscape in one of those Sim City games.

Just my brief experience of homeownership so far, struggling to get a few plants to grow so I can have some vertical green around me and not be forced by the lawn-gestapo to maintain a vast expanse of flat shaved thin green desert, would be enough to make me a raving lunatic forest-fanatic if I were not already.

And now for your viewing pleasure, various forested lots I espied while “killing time” before an appointment. (BTW I try to never actually kill time. That’d be such a waste of a nonrenewable resource!) I love the residential lots. These people have escaped the treadmill of lawn maintenance, and created deep green sanctuary for themselves, and for wildlife.

Dealing With a Whiny-Complainy Attitude

This post is about how to deal with someone who’s got a chronic whiny, complainy attitude. But not just anyone: YOU. That’s right, if YOU have a whiny complainy attitude and want to know how to deal with it, you have come to the right place: a post by someone who herself has a fairly high default level of “whiny-complainy.”

Now, in talking about my faults, I am NOT trying to engage in some sort of obnoxious humble-bragging (GAWD I hate that!) or some sort of equally obnoxious exhibitionistic public self-flagellation trip. Rather, I’m just being honest. And I’m trying to burst the bubble about so-called “experts.” Yes I am an expert in living a low-footprint life, and if you’re interested in learning how to do that, I can help you. But part of dealing with life and getting what we want, is working with our own less-than-ideal qualities. Everyone is a mix of qualities that are pleasant and desirable, and those that are less so.

So here are some tips I’ve learned for working with the whiny-complainy in me:

– Trick yourself. When I could not talk myself into attending a community event that I knew would help me get out of my funk, see people I hadn’t connected with in a while, AND participate in honoring a great milestone for our community, I focused on a personal wish that was unrelated to the event itself: the fact that I needed exercise and would enjoy the early-evening walk over the bridge. (The river is so pretty at night. I enjoyed that walk and ended up really enjoying the social interaction at the event also.)

– Harness your better qualities. Yes, I’m whiny/complainy and also lazy. But, on the positive side, I am relentlessly curious, so I’m always willing to do research. In this case, the research subject is me. I am a relentless reader of self-help material, and it helps greatly. Which brings me to …

– Do personal growth. Just about every character attribute you desire is something that can be deliberately cultivated even if you were not born with it, even if you seem to possess it at zero level right now. Though still whiny, complainy, selfish, and lazy, I am much less of any of these things than I used to be. And I am always making progress.

– Focus on your mission (humanitarian, planetary). Keep your eyes on the mission, the greater goal, the process of working towards that. Working toward a higher goal that inspires you and lights you up is extremely effective in quieting down the whiny complainy voice!

– Recognize that at least some of “how you are” is the result of how someone labeled you in childhood. If you were labeled selfish or lazy, chances are it became a self-fulfilling prophecy. I’m not saying use that as an excuse to not improve, or behave badly, but I am saying you can stop beating yourself up about being “bad”, if that is what you are doing. Recognize your less desirable attributes in a matter-of-fact way; think of them as “faulty wiring” or “bad training”, and set about the business of rewiring yourself according to your preferences.

– Give yourself a little pat on the back. If you are even able to recognize that you have a whiny attitude (or any other negative character attribute), you’re a step ahead of most of humanity, who are only able to see their faults reflected in others. (And if you are one of those who are always noticing whiny attitudes in others, but not yourself, it might be time to look in the mirror.)

– Look into the underlying feeling – don’t just dismiss yourself as “whiny”. One day I decided to take a minute to feel beyond that “whiny” layer. And I noticed that what I was feeling deep down was utter hopelessness and despair. Once I allowed myself a few moments to be with THAT feeling, the “whiny” was gone and I was able to move forward with my tasks and really savor the day.

– Be open to accepting consolation from the cosmic universe, from nature, from other people. I cannot overstate the importance of this. Do not be one of those un-consolable people. Consolation is all around you. Grab the life-ring! The other day I was in full-tilt whiny-complainy mode, but I was ready to do what it took to get out of it. Suddenly I looked out the window and saw a cute little black snake in the garden. The big black snake had had babies! It melted my heart and made my morning. The universe offers an abundance of such “Get Out of Whine Mode Free” cards. Use them!

Being an activist of any kind isn’t easy. There’s burnout, disappointment, anger. But you don’t need to wallow in suffering. You can deliberately free yourself of “whiny-complainy” or any other mode you don’t prefer.

Live Like You Are Dying

Stellar advice. “Live Like You Are Dying.” Life-saving advice.

Last November my Mom died after a year-long battle with cancer and/or the interactions of multiple medications. Yesterday a close friend of mine died after a week in hospice, following a year-long battle with cancer and its treatment. My friend Linda was a zesty, glamorous lady, who managed to have perfect hair even after she lost hers to chemo. My mother was similarly zesty and glamorous.

Over the past few years I have lost a big chunk of my “get up and go.” People around me generally think of me as an upbeat person who is constantly working for positive change in the world, and that is true. However, for the past few years, I’ve been operating on just one or two cylinders. Also, paradoxically, though I am an “upbeat” person, I’ve always been prone to negativity (not sure how that works but it is so), though only the people closest to me know how truly negative I can be.

When a band was playing music she liked, Linda boldly danced by herself (sometimes even if there were lots of men around who would have loved to dance with her). Her nails were always done. She never went out looking like a shlub, and her last words in hospice were phone messages to her friends to “bring me some decent clothes.” I’m sure that if there were any attractive men in the hospice facility, she found them and made an impression on them.

She was full of love, and always wanted her house to be filled with people. All too often it was not, particularly toward the end. She could be very abrasive and demanding, but life had dealt her harshness. And underneath it all she was full of love. And she was unbelievably bright and creative.

I missed out by not spending as much time with her as I could have. Still, we had a real connection, and I was able to give her some of what she needed. And she exerted a strong beneficial influence on me.

Over the past few weeks I have felt myself getting back on track, recovering my old get up and go. I am actually not that much of a self-starter, and am dependent on a steady influx of beneficial influences. I read constantly; I talk to 20 or 50 people in the course of a day; I’m constantly on social media picking up good news. And I will be doing that til I die, which could be right after I finish typing this sentence but hopefully won’t be for a long time yet, because I have plans to help steer civilization toward a steady state of peace, enlightenment, and creative play.

Hey, as a person, I may be negative, and sometimes petty, and sometimes withhold from people the very thing that they need, and sometimes hog too much of the conversation, and sometimes blah blah blah mindlessly, and am self-centered and UNBELIEVABLY, MIND-BOGGLINGLY LAZY and lots of other undesirable stuff. But I’m the only ME I’ve got to work with, and despite my many faults I believe I still have much to contribute to making a better world. I’m the only ME I’ve got, brown thumb and lack of mechanical aptitude and middle-aged doldrums and all — I’ll take me, and work with me. It beats the alternative. And, like anyone else, I can improve.

The video linked at the end of this article (and that I took the title of this post from) made a profound impression on me. It’s just over 30 minutes long, and worth every minute to sit through (which is not speaking lightly, coming from one who prefers reading transcripts to watching videos because she can read faster than a video can speak). “Live Like You Are Dying.” It’s about tiny houses, and addressed at people who dream of living in a tiny house. But really, it’s about life. And about ANY dream. If you have a dream, don’t make excuses. Don’t be one of the 99 percent who sit around talking about their dreams but never achieve them. Be one of the 1 percent who DO. John Kernohan, co-founder of the United Tiny House Association, says it better than I ever could. Watch his talk!

John Kerhohan video: Live Like You Are Dying

And, also in the realm of beneficial influences, here is one of my recent finds: this incredibly rich article by Rick Hanson and Forrest Hanson, on how to wire your brain for resilience.