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“ExxonMobil wants you to feel responsible for climate change so it doesn’t have to shoulder the blame,” says Rebecca Leber in an article on voxx.com . “A new study reveals how the oil company used ‘cutting-edge propaganda’ to focus on fossil fuel consumption.”

So some corporate behemoth with bajillions of dollars is unwilling to do its part to help fix the mess we’re in? How pathetic!! Meanwhile, millions of us everyday people are out here eagerly trying to do our part. Kudos to all of you.

The way I look at it is, I didn’t cause climate change but I contributed to it, and now I can be part of addressing it. And there are so many different ways to do that.

After World War II, the oil companies systematically worked to destroy what had been a quite developed, nationwide railway network, and destroy other transport modes such as city trolleys; and lobbied for the construction of our massive multibillion-dollar highway system at the expense of all other options. They basically undermined old-fashioned walkable, bikeable, transport-served communities (where children and nondriving elders were able to get around without depending on someone to drive them everywhere) by encouraging car-dependency.

No two ways about it, driving the open road can be fun and exciting. Family roadtrips, camping and all that kind of thing. When I was a kid, the road atlas was one of my favorite books. (My family moved every couple of years — my Dad was in the Navy — and we turned every move into a cross-country camping odyssey in our large, tanklike 1960s and 70s cars. It was amazing, so educational and soul-expanding. Epic sunsets! Desert starry nights! Bear sightings next to the campground shower! Quirky diners with funky neon signs; customer-luring yard-art. One diner had a, like, 20-foot-tall coffee pot out front.)

We (culturally, collectively) just had no idea how much of a monster was being created. Cars invaded every crevice of our lives, til in most places it became abnormal to even walk a block or two to a convenience store. Now we have social isolation, chronic health problems, high rate of traffic fatalities, hideous environmental degradation from the endless expanses of asphalt needed to serve cars, and a whole slew of other ills as a result of our culturally induced car-dependency.

There’s lots of info about all of this out there. (There are even documentary films, and we could stage a showing!! My organization Daytona Beach Permaculture Guild is working on starting a small mobile cinema thing for the community. Maybe you could do something similar in your community.)

The more awareness we have, the easier it’ll be to motivate ourselves to take action on all fronts, from engaging in peaceful demonstrations, to making our voices heard by corporations and government, to getting active in our own city government: calling for walkable communities; speaking out against sprawl development. And, definitely, taking active steps to minimize our own personal and household dependency on cars and petroleum. Dependency is vulnerability!

My two cents on how to accelerate positive movement in the world – it starts inside but also (for most of us) includes outer actions.

• Engage in practices that quiet the mind; heighten your perception, intuition.

• Engage in practices that strengthen the connection between your inner self & the outer world.

• Strive for congruence between your inner awareness and outer actions.

Money shame has been a big thing in my life. A thing I’ve largely kept hidden. That’s how shame works.

This past Sunday, May 10, was Mother’s Day in the USA, and I set myself the task of finally starting this post which has been incubating in my head for awhile now. Mother’s Day was a good day for me to start this post, because in the past I made choices under the influence of money shame that kept me separate from my parents and other loved ones even as I wanted more closeness and authenticity.

My parents have both passed, and I have regrets about the times I let my money shame come between us. But, over the past few years I have done some deep work on my beliefs about money, so as to never again let money shame come between me and any other loved ones.

I’m hoping this post will help other people avoid some of the struggles, and unwanted distance from loved ones, that I experienced because of my money shame.

Negative beliefs about money have caused a lot of strife in this world. In the USA, we have virtually built a whole culture around money obsession. People who don’t make much money are often targets of derision. “You should get a better job”; “Why aren’t you successful like So-and-so?” We definitely have a lot of our self-worth tied up in money, and I have only met relatively few fellow USAmericans who feel at peace with money and feel they truly have enough.

Here are a few things I experienced over the years, regarding money shame. (My personal experience only; your mileage may vary; take whatever of this is helpful to you and leave the rest.) Mistakes I made; insights gained:

• The shame I felt about being in financial hardship was a million times worse than any aspect of the hardship itself.

• Money shame caused me to stop believing in myself and the good work I was doing (am still doing). I pretty much bought into the idea that I was fundamentally flawed and deficient because my work was earning me barely enough money to keep a roof over my head. For a while, I lost one of my deepest joys in life: the joy of having a sense of purpose and being engaged in meaningful work.

• Derailed by money shame, I became unable to help and support my loved ones. My Mom would ask or say something on the phone, and I would take it to mean she was ashamed of me for not being financially successful like my siblings. Looking back, I realize she was probably anxious about her own finances more than anything else. Had I not been emotionally destabilized by money shame, I would have been in a better position to try to help her deal with her anxieties. And really, her state of anxiety was most likely just part of her grief at Dad’s passing, and if I hadn’t been so immersed in money shame and trying to put up a good front, I could have been more present with her in her grief.

• Money shame is an emergency. If I had a do-over, I certainly would have treated it as the emergency that it was. I have tools for identifying and dissolving my harmful beliefs, but I was not using those tools enough at the time. Instead, I was channeling huge amounts of energy into pretense. Trying to convince my Mom how perfectly-fine I was doing; how my choice to drop out of the middle class was not bringing shame on our family. — When in fact, that is exactly what I believed at the time: that my decision to pursue a non-mainstream career path, with no steady paycheck, would bring shame on my family unless I could keep up the pretenses that I was doing fine. My reasoning at the time was, “They can suspect all they want about my financial situation, but they don’t know anything unless I slip up and reveal it.” I felt like I was living in the closet. I was!

• Shame of any kind is an emergency and needs immediate attention. Shame about one’s body or another aspect of one’s looks; shame about mental-health issues; about some perceived lack of intelligence or other ability. In fact, in my experience, money-shame rarely travels alone; it often has one or more other types of shame alongside or underlying it.

• Even in the pits of my financial collapse, I was doing all kinds of cool stuff. Living on a friend’s farm painting signs and teaching an art camp and solar-cooking classes; organizing my first art show, which showcased several other artists’ work besides my own; making new friends in a strange new place. But I allowed money shame to dampen my joy. Basically I started to tell a loved one about all this cool art stuff and farm stuff, and they seemed unexpectedly unsupportive, so I started to feel that what I had considered these great, fun, thrilling milestones in my life were actually silly. Even though I was totally doing things I had long aspired to do! And even though these activities were also in fact helping me get back on track financially!

Some of this might sound really sad but I’m not here to elicit pity or to wallow in regret. I’m here to grow and learn; I’ve had an amazing life so far and it’s only getting better. And, I think mistakes can be one of life’s greatest treasures, as long as I learn from them and use my experience to help others.

(More bullet items to come — stay tuned.)

My suggestions, what I would tell myself if I could talk to my past self:

1) You have to get re-centered and reaffirm to yourself that you are doing the work you’ve always dreamed of doing. You are falling into feeling apologetic about your life’s work! That is not good for you or for anyone else!

2) You have to find a way to talk with your close people, not only for your sake but for theirs as well. Share more, not less, about how you navigate life’s troubles. People in our cushioned prosperous country are suffering from financial and other material anxieties, and they need more examples of someone falling to the financial pits and living to tell the tale.

3) Tell your parents in detail how your occupational choices and your other life choices are directly related to the deepest, most cherished values you learned from them growing up. Caring for the environment; going for your dreams; using your creativity; exploring and experimenting and stretching your wings; not letting money rule your life. (Yes, all of those things were values I absorbed via my upbringing.) Feel awkward talking about such goopy topics with them? Of course you do! That’s what letters are for. Write it while there’s still time!!!

Here are some links I’ve come across recently on the topic of money shame, which I hope you’ll find helpful!

Further Exploration:

• Article: “Financial Shame Can Carry Big Cost”; Liz Weston/Nerdwallet, Daytona Beach News-Journal, Apr 11, 2021. “The U.S. suicide rate has risen dramatically in recent years, and certified money coach Tammy Lally of Washington, D.C., is convinced money shame is a contributing factor. Lally’s brother died by suicide in 2007 after receiving a foreclosure notice. Shortly afterward, Lally’s mortgage business collapsed in the Great Recession. She says she went from driving a Mercedes and living in an oceanfront house to filing for bankruptcy. ‘It blew me away, the level of pain and sadness that I was experiencing,’ Lally said. ‘I didn’t tell anybody. I was pretending like nothing was going on.’ She eventually realized she was experiencing shame – a deep sense that she was fundamentally flawed and unworthy because of her financial problems.”

• Article: “Befriend Your Money and Reap the Benefits”; Laura McMullen/Nerdwallet, Daytona Beach News-Journal, May 9, 2021. Tips for cultivating a healthy relationship with money. “What’s your relationship with money? Maybe your personal finances are like a distant cousin you barely think about – or an unsettling stranger you avoid. Or perhaps money feels like your enemy, frustrating you and rarely doing what you want … 31% of Americans said they feel anxious when thinking about the current state of their personal finances … A more positive relationship can help you feel more confident and empowered to make the most of your money.” The tips include a couple that have been working really well for me over the past few years: appreciating what I already have; and using more empowering language when talking about money.

• TED talk: “Let’s Get Honest About Our Money Problems”; Tammy Lally. Money shame can be devastating, even fatal. (The woman giving this talk is the person mentioned in the first article above, whose brother committed suicide.) This 12-minute talk is deep, goes into the importance of breaking our silence about money shame; delving into our own beliefs about money; experiencing our feelings rather than shutting them out. She mentions the role of unforgiveness — one form of not letting go of the past — in creating stubborn debt. Ms. Lally’s talk moved me to tears, then left me feeling energized and inspired to help break the silence about money shame.

• “Impressions” (video talk by Harry Palmer, author of the Avatar® materials). While not about money shame per se, this talk fits in well here. “The events of life leave tracks in our consciousness that inspire us to tell ourselves stories to explain them. The success or failure of your life is all about the story you choose to tell. What you experience is the story you tell yourself and the power to change the story is the power to change your life. This talk by Harry Palmer, the author of the Avatar® materials, was recorded live at the July 2009 International Avatar Course in Orlando, Florida. (length 33:00)”

The sun … Source of (in effect) limitless free, clean energy! And isn’t it great that we have special gizmos called solar panels that can turn sunshine into electricity! These days I’m seeing more and more houses and other buildings with solar panels. And there seem to be an endless parade of ads urging homeowners to contact this or that solar company and find out how they can start producing free electricity for zero money down.

The conversion of sunlight into electricity by solar panels is called “solar photovoltaics.”

Although solar panels are touted as a way to get off of “dirty” electric-power sources such as coal and nuclear, there is no free lunch. The panels, as well as the batteries, themselves require energy to manufacture and transport. And they require materials such as heavy metals, the mining and disposal of which creates toxins in the environment.

In my book, I explain my decision not to have solar panels. Basically, my electricity use is so low (about 2% of the US average household’s when I’m by myself in the house, and less than 10% of the US average even when I have two housemates living with me) that getting solar panels would actually increase my household eco-footprint substantially.

However, I hear that a lot has changed in the solar PV world in the past few years. Solar panels and batteries have improved, and the panels have come down in price.

Up to this point, I have always concluded that solar panels would not improve my footprint. Still, out of curiosity, I have contacted a few solar companies over the past couple of years to explore the possibility of having panels. But, when I tell them my electricity usage, they quickly inform me it’s not worth it, I wouldn’t qualify for any rebates, etc.

But, although rebates are nice, I wouldn’t really be in it for the rebates.

This past Saturday at the farmers’ market, a solar company I’d never spoken with before had a booth. I had an extended conversation with the young man there, who was really interested in my low electricity use and is eager to look into my situation. He said it might turn out that it’s worth my investment.

My house does have a sun-drenched, south-facing roof in its favor. Potentially, it could generate quite a bit of power for the grid as well as for my household. The guy at the farmers’ market told me that in Florida, we are able to sell our surplus electricity to the power company. I had heard of other states where that’s allowed, but I did not know Florida was one.

Being able to sell surplus electricity is neat, but what’s really neat is the idea that a private individual can be generating electricity and feeding it to the grid, thus contributing, however fractionally, to an increase in the grid’s percentage of renewable energy.

Several fellow permaculturists around the state and the country have solar setups. One in particular, I really trust her judgment, so I plan to have a chat with her about her thoughts on the eco impact.

That nice guy from the solar company is coming soon to check out my place for solar-panel potential. I will let you know the outcome!

I have serious concerns about the eco footprint of the panels and associated stuff. But I realized it’s time for me to get a better grasp of these details, and I think a visit from a solar company is a great next step. And hey, if all goes well, it’ll be neat to have a sun-powered house!

A final note: I do not recommend “off-grid” systems. Off-grid systems require massive banks of batteries, and I want to minimize batteries because of their eco footprint. Also, off-grid systems, by definition, are not able to produce power for the collective use. Grid-tied is my choice, whether I stay with my conventional setup or end up getting solar panels. Of course, for some people living in rural areas, grid-tied may not be an option. But, I just want to caution against this romanticized idea of “living off-grid with solar panels” as some eco-friendly, permaculture ideal. It isn’t necessarily eco-friendly, and it’s actually more fragile and vulnerable than being grid-tied.

If you want to be really resilient, I recommend learning how to get by with little or no electricity. It doesn’t mean you have to live that way on a daily basis, but knowing how to do it is a great asset to your household and community.

Suggested action steps for anyone interested in solar PV:

• Contact every solar-power company that serves your area. All the ones I’ve talked to will come out and give a free estimate. There’s nothing to lose! Even if you’re an “electricity miser” like me, don’t automatically assume you’re not a candidate. Be sure and include the smaller, local companies in your search, as they might be more willing to take on a less-profitable job.

• Reduce your everyday electricity needs, so it’ll be more feasible to meet your needs with solar or other renewables. Even if you find out panels aren’t worth it for you, the benefits of needing hardly any electricity are enormous. Including that tiny bill; and also the peace of mind that comes from feeling less vulnerable to power outages since you don’t need electricity for every little thing.

If you’re like me, you do your best to avoid plastic bags, but you end up with a house full of them anyway. There are the plastic bags I get because I forgot to specify “no bag”; the ones I got because the merchant is used to putting everything in bags automatically even though we say “No bag please”; and the ones that are almost impossible to avoid unless we are willing to forgo entire categories of food, because so many foods come packaged in plastic.

Still, it is worth doing our best to avoid them, especially the flimsy plastic grocery bags that are not good for reuse. (Some folks reuse them as trash-can liners, but trash cans don’t really need liners, as long as you are not throwing food scraps in your trash. Which you shouldn’t be, because food in the trash creates a heavy smelly mess. And, food scraps are way too useful to put in the trash.)

The less-flimsy, more durable types of plastic bags, the ones that come into our homes as packaging for food and other everyday goods, can at least be made into less of a cluttery nuisance. And can even be very useful in certain cases!

• I keep some folded in my canvas grocery-shopping bags, to use when buying small items such as small fruits & veggies, nuts or candy purchased in bulk, garlic cloves, etc.

• I use some in my kitchen utensil drawers and “junk drawers” to keep stuff separated into different categories (batteries, keys, twist-ties, plug adapters, etc).

• I use some to store condiment packets and other potentially sticky items, so my kitchen cabinets stay neater.

• I use some on my craft shelves to separate different categories of arts & crafts supplies; and on my tool shelves to separate different types of screws & other hardware.

• I use some to store different categories of clothing items such as socks, gloves.

• Inside a purse or hip-pouch, too, I use small plastic bags to store small objects such as my earphones, business cards, little notebook, etc., so they don’t get mushed or tangled with one another.

One good thing about using plastic bags to keep different types of stuff separated in a purse, drawer, etc., is that the plastic bag will last a long time that way, since it gets very little exposure to sun or other elements in that enclosed space.

Of course, we could always just adopt the conventional approach to plastic bags, which is just to accept them unthinkingly at the point of purchase, then throw them “away” after their intended single use. But we’re not going there!!! Because we all know There Is No “Away”!

What are some of your favorite tips for avoiding plastic bags, and for reusing the ones you can’t avoid?

My favorite green choices are ones that require zero money or extra effort. In a society that worships convenience, being able to offer people such choices is one key to popularizing low-footprint living.

Some green choices are actually easier and more convenient than the mainstream option. For example, I’ve been telling people for a while now that one of the best ways to reduce our energy footprint is to back off on the fussbudget landscaping practices. Mow half as often; quit edging and leafblowing altogether. In other words, be lazy! And now, come to find out, “lazy landscaping” is an actual trend — reported by Southern Living magazine, no less!

Another “lazy” trend I just now heard about: Since the pandemic shutdowns, some people are taking fewer baths and showers — and are liking the results! Less-dry skin; a bit of freed-up time; less consumption of shampoo and other products that come in wasteful plastic bottles.

Now, those of you who love taking baths and showers, I am not trying to spoil your pleasure or hygiene! If you love daily showers, keep on enjoying them. There are plenty of other ways for you to cut your eco footprint. But if you are among the secret tribe of rebels who’ve been bathing just weekly or twice-weekly for some years now, you can take satisfaction in the knowledge that it’s becoming more socially acceptable. We (yes, I’m one of the rebels) don’t have to hide in the shadows anymore!

Not all eco angels are models of asceticism and self-denial. Some of us are just slackers at heart, who have learned to use our laziness as a force for good.

So what are some of your favorite green choices that make a virtue of laziness?

Further Reading:

• “Landscaping trends have gone the way of low maintenance and climate-friendly. ‘Beautiful and traditionally prized flowering plants such as hydrangeas and rhododendrons have fallen out of favor due to the fact that they demand constant watering and maintenance … Roses, while beautiful, require regular pruning and feeding and sometimes spraying.’ … Homeowners are opting for native plants and pollinator gardens over anything that puts further strain on the planet’s natural resources … Over the last few years, between the series of droughts and longer workdays, people have begun to appreciate lower-maintenance style gardens. We may be spending more of our days at home, but that doesn’t mean we have more time on our hands. Homeowners want landscaping options that don’t pile onto their already heavy workloads.” (“4 Landscaping Trends On Their Way Out, According to Real-Estate Agents.” Lauren Wellbank, Apartment Therapy.)

• “…this year gardeners ‘will turn a blind eye to a bit of browning in summer’ and perhaps even swap out grass in favor of embracing ‘lazy’ fuss-free groundcovers. These ‘interesting and environmentally benign alternatives,’ not only stay green without fertilizer, but resist drought and can encourage more wildlife. Unfortunately, while we’ve all learned to love grass, keeping those immaculate green lawns isn’t great for the environment. … lawns consume nearly three trillion gallons of water a year, 200 million gallons of gas (for all that mowing), and 70 million pounds of pesticides. … Replacing a grass lawn doesn’t even require swapping plants. Laying walkways out of gravel or bark, building patios, creating a gathering place around a fire pit, or adding a gazebo also means less lawn and less lawn care. So this year consider a ‘lazy lawn’ that will be easier for you, better for the planet, and just might make the neighbors jealous.” (“‘Lazy Lawns’ Are Topping the Garden Trends for 2021.” Melissa Locker, Southern Living.)

• “Some people said they started bathing less during the pandemic. As long as no one complains, they say they plan to keep the new habit … Robin Harper, an administrative assistant at a preschool on Martha’s Vineyard, grew up showering every day. … But when the coronavirus pandemic forced her indoors and away from the general public, she started showering once a week. The new practice felt environmentally virtuous, practical and freeing. And it has stuck. ‘Don’t get me wrong,’ said Ms. Harper, 43, who has returned to work. ‘I like showers. But it’s one thing off my plate. I’m a mom. I work full-time, and it’s one less thing I have to do.'” … After the British media reported on a YouGov survey that showed 17 percent of Britons had abandoned daily showers during the pandemic, many people on Twitter said they had done the same.” (“See Fewer People. Take Fewer Showers.” Maria Cramer, New York Times.)

How do we avoid becoming bogged down in overwhelm and hopelessness — yet also avoid falling into toxic positivity and spiritual bypassing? How do we avoid false hope, yet still find ways to enjoy life? How do we fully face things, while fully living? It’s a dance for sure, an ongoing navigational challenge.

And how perfect that I would run across THIS article, “Finding Lightness Of Being In the Midst of Climate Change,” just now —

The author’s inner/outer journey sounds strikingly similar to mine, but she expresses with stunning skill and eloquence, in this one piece, a mind-set that I have expressed in less-eloquent bits & pieces here on this blog.

An excellent read — the author herself (Ami Chen Mills-Naim) shared it in a thread in the Deep Adaptation group* on Facebook earlier today. I won’t waste any words here; just go read it! I predict that you’ll be really glad you did.

* Deep Adaptation is a group I highly recommend to people who are into facing the big climate reality full-on — physically, emotionally, spiritually. I can’t seem to get Facebook to give me a link but if you just type “Deep Adaptation” into the search field in Facebook, you should be able to find and join the group. This is one of my top go-to groups for moral and emotional support; it’s listed in the permalinks in my blogroll.