The following comment is something I posted in reaction to yet another anti-trans meme on the page of a Facebook acquaintance who is persistently bringing this stuff up.
(Note: One might reasonably ask why I don’t just unfriend this person. For one thing, she’s part of my permaculture / sustainability circles. And diversity is a core principle of permaculture. Her being anti-trans seems to fundamentally contradict that. So I can’t just leave this. Also, some of her other FB friends have been trying to talk sense into her when she makes these posts. They present very good arguments in a civil manner. I feel like unfriending her is not going to solve the problem. This hate is spreading toxically throughout society. I have to at least try to speak up.)
My comment today:
What if we decide that it just doesn’t matter? What if we decide to just honor how someone identifies themselves? How does it hurt us?
Extremely rigid notions of what’s male and what’s female harm us all.
Here is a personal example. I am a cis het female. I am even what would be conventionally called a girly girl. All into the lace and beads and all that kind of stuff.
And yet throughout my life, there have been many many times when people have tried to put me in my place, accusing me of being too masculine and not feminine enough.
I bet almost everybody has been made fun of for being too masculine, or too feminine, or not this enough, or not that enough.
Making fun of trans people, and not wanting to allow them to just exist, is a dreadful, murderous thing to do to other human beings. And furthermore, that kind of rigid patriarchy harms ALL of us. if we can allow everyone to exist, we get the benefits too! It’s silly to be shaming each other for this or that aspect of our appearance, behavior, gender identification, etc.
Women getting shamed for having body hair; men getting shamed for having not enough body hair; women getting shamed for having too many muscles; men getting shamed for not having enough muscles — blah blah blah. We could just drop all of this.
This isn’t just an abstract issue for me. Some of my Trans friends would be dead of suicide today if they hadn’t gotten the support and care they needed.
I know how I have felt when I haven’t been allowed to be myself. It’s absolutely horrible. And I haven’t experienced anywhere near as extreme of anything as what trans people have experienced.
If people are worried about restrooms, we can have unisex restrooms like they do in many countries.
If people are worried about sports and unfair competition, then we can take a look at what the rules are and I’m sure arrive at something that will work. For all I know, those rules and standards are in place already. I’m just not a big follower of sports so I’m not familiar with it.
If we’re worried that somehow someone is making fun of our femininity, like if we’re thinking that someone dressing up and drag is making fun of women – I think it’s actually the opposite, right? But anyway that’s not what’s going on.
If we are worried that society doesn’t respect mothers and motherhood enough, well that is a very valid worry and concern. We really need to work on respecting mothers and motherhood. And really supporting mothers. And supporting children. But marginalizing and hating trans people is not going to help us with that.
Just a few thoughts. Maybe other people will have some insight into this dynamic of hating trans people or anyone we see as different.
Actually I think we have some sort of internalized misogyny, I’ve seen a lot of women impose insane standards on each other and on themselves. We become the fashion police, the food police, the make up police, the body shape and weight police. And I have participated in that crazy sick world when I was younger. Not anymore.
My FB friend responded that her primary concern is the longterm negative health effects of cross-sex hormones, puberty blockers, and unnecessary surgery.
To this I responded:
So if this surgery, medication, etc, were restricted to people over 18, say, does that mean you would have no problem with trans people? (I said 18 because I figure if somebody’s old enough to be drafted into the military they are old enough to decide what gender they are.)
More:
I understand why parents want to know what the teachers are saying to their kids and teaching their kids. Parents have always had the right and the obligation to pay attention to that. And there are lots of ways for parents to give input and get involved in what is being taught at school.
BTW when I was growing up, back in the 70s, it always bothered me that people could not be openly gay and be teachers. The thinking was that gay teachers would teach kids to be gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But, as someone who always knew she was female and attracted to boys, I always thought that was really silly and damaging that teachers could not be openly gay.
I feel the same about transgender people. 
As I’m typing this, the core value of mine that I’m feeling motivated by is wanting people to be able to be their authentic selves. And hating fakeness and pretense. I think fakeness and pretense have done a lot of damage, both within the educational system and within the family structure.
BTW freedom of self expression is certainly one form of freedom of speech. I am very much in favor of freedom of speech. I think we can’t have a civilized society without it.